The Homely Ring
by taulaes
Summary: A parody of The Ugly Duckling. OR What Sauron Was Doing Right Before Gollum Arrived at Barad Dur.


Title: The Homely Ring

Author's Pen Name: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character's based on those of The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. Nor do I own the concept which this was based; The Ugly Duckling by Han Christen Anderson. The only charater I created is Mrs. Nazg. I make not profit out of this.

Mrs. Nazg: Hello, class. How are you all today?

Whole Class: Hello, Mrs. Nazg. We are fine.

Mrs. Nazg: Ok, class, today we will have a special guest in to read us a book of his choice that is within all of your comprehension levels.

Gothmog: Who is our guest, Mrs. Nazg?

Mrs. Nazg: Class, I'd like you to welcome our overlord, master, the superintendent of all the orc schools, Sauron.

(The whole class claps and cheers, as Sauron walks into the room)

Whole Class: Hello, Mr. Sauron, our overlord, master, and superintendent of all the orc school.

Sauron: Good morning, little orclings. And, please, just call me Sauron. Having 'mister' at the beginning of my name always made me feel old.

(There is silence)

Mrs. Nazg: Class, why don't you re-welcome Suaron as he wishes to be called.

(Grumbles from whole class)

Mrs. Nazg: Children...

Whole Class: Hello, Sauron.

Sauron: So I have been kindly invited here to read you a story of my choice. I had some very complex books in mind when your teacher told me that the book I chose was supposed to match your comprehension levels. So I chose a book that I loved very much when I was little... "The Homely Ring".

(There were slight whispers of "I've heard this story before" and "Sounds nice")

Sauron: So, a long time ago, in a place not far from here, there was a land of men who created rings. All but one of the men made beautiful and greatly adorned rings. The one that didn't was new to the land of the ring-makers and made one simple, plain golden ring.

Sharku: Was it white-gold? Or gold-gold?

Sauron: It was solid gold-gold. Before this ring was old enough to wander about the land with the other rings, he stayed home with his creator. Then a time came when the ring was ready to go out in the world and meet other rings his age. He saw them, and they saw him. The beautiful rings with their great jewels teased this plain ring. That day the ring went home crying. 'Why are you crying?' asked his creator. 'I am crying because all the other rings tease me because I'm so plain and different. They say I'm homely,' the little ring replied.

Gothmog: What does homely mean?

Mrs. Nazg: It means plain, unattractive, and words like those.

Sauron: The ring's creator leaned down to the ring and said, 'Don't worry about the other rings. One day you will be great and all will desire you.' This perked up the ring's spirits a little. He went back the next day to where the other rings were playing with new confidence. But he returned home crying again. His creator told him the same thing again. But yet the same thing would happen day after day; the poor ring would always get teased and come home crying.

Sharku: That's sad.

Sauron: Yes, very sad. One day, the ring was sick of being teased and left the land of ring-makers. He grabbed his pack and just left. He went all over and everywhere he went, he was teased for being so plain. He was rummaging through his pack when he found a cake with a note attached to it. It said, 'Eat me'. So that's what the little ring did, he ate the cake. But then, he felt a new power coursing through him. That night, he made a fire, but accidentally fell into it. Unlike he thought, he didn't burn up, but when he got out he saw a bunch of weird symbols on him. It was then that the ring decided he was going to return to his master. It was a long journey and when ever he entered a village the people would always try to keep him there.

Gothmog: I think the cake was magical.

Sauron: (Ignores Gothmog's statement and continues) He made it back to his creator's and saw him preparing for a battle. 'What's happening?' the ring asked. 'I tried to take over Middle-Earth so now a bunch of Elves and Men are trying to kill me. Did you eat that cake?' The ring nodded. 'That's good,' he said, 'Now, I must wear you into battle, for you will make me invisible.' The ring's creator wore him into battle, but was cut from his finger. His creator searched for him, but didn't find him. For years he's searched and still no sign of the ring. But the creator is constantly looking.

Mrs. Nazg: Now, class, what's the morale of this story?

Gothmog: But your ring on a chain?

Sharku: Don't be a ring-maker?

Orc Student: Don't eat cakes that have notes that say 'eat me'?

(A messenger comes into the room)

Messenger: Lord Suaron, we have some news. A creature has been found that might be able to help us find your ring that you lost by having your finger cut off. The creature keeps saying 'Shire' and 'Bagginssssss' when we torture him.

Sauron: what? Oh, ahem. I must leave now.

(Sauron leaves)

Gothmog: Was the ring in the story Sauron's?

Mrs. Nazg: I'm not in liberty to discuss that.

END


End file.
